a update to my last blog

in my last blog post i wrote about how as Christians we're called to follow Christ no matter the cost. 

i wrote a little on this passage:

The Cost of Following Jesus: Luke 9:57-62

57 As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” 58 And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” 59 To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.”60 And Jesus[g] said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” 61 Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” 62 Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

I'm reading the book Radical by David Platt and man is it good. here's his synopsis of the passage above:
Jesus says, follow me and you might be homeless. follow me and leave your family behind - don't even bury your dead dad. follow me and don't look back. don't even say goodbye.

this week i got to experience this in real life. in a very small and minute way, God has tested me. the other night as i was snug in my bed watching the Help on netflix about to facetime with luke when the phone started ringing in the other room. i answered it and was told "hey you need to get over to the children's home, you're working the graveyard shift and we've been waiting on you for 20 minutes. please hurry."

uh okay. this is news to me!

so i ran to the bathroom, grabbed my book and water bottle, and headed over to the kids home. and i'll admit, i was kind of frustrated. i was in a tank top and shorts and didn't have time to change into pants to prevent bug bites. i was enjoying my movie and really looking forward to getting to talk to luke. i was tired and was excited to get a good night's rest.
i was comfortable.
so as i'm choking back tears of frustration in the kids' home (pathetic i know, but i want to be honest with y'all) i hear Jesus saying, "are you still willing to follow me when it's not comfortable? are you willing to give up your facetiming with luke and your netflix and your bed to serve me? are you serious about giving up everything for me? because i need to know shelby. you need to know. this is small compared to what i could have asked of you. are you willing?"

hello conviction.

and then Jesus reminded me of the verse I had written about just a few hours before. to follow Christ means to give up your bed. it might mean working a graveyard shift and sleeping on the floor. to follow Christ means to not say goodbye. i didn't have the chance to tell luke i couldn't facetime, which i felt bad about. i repented and asked for forgiveness for crying and not being willing at first. and He said that it was okay and that this is what it's all about. not just saying we're willing to give up our comforts but actually give them up. 

there's another part of that verse though that had kind of left me stumped. leave someone else to bury your dead loved one. i didn't really focus on it because, let's face it, we don't really think about our loved ones dying unless they're really sick. we just don't dwell on it. so i didn't dwell much on that part of the verse honestly. 

until tonight.

my sweet pup, Sadie, has been a part of my family since my parents got divorced when i was 7. sadie has been my main squeeze since 2002. she's been through everything with me. through the divorce and through breakups. she's been at every birthday and every Christmas. she was there when i went to prom and when i returned from every mission trip, camp, or vacation. she's seen so many tears and has given me so much joy. she was there during fights with carson or fights with my mom. she was there for every meal, begging for scraps at my feet. she's torn up more of my things than i could count, but i've loved her still. she was there during scary storms and during each first day of school.
Sadie was my best friend and I am so incredibly thankful for the years I got to spend with her.
but Sadie passed away today.
and now i get it.
i understand that part of the verse.
as i sit here, 3,000 miles away from my family,
i get it.
and i know it's worth it.
it's not easy.
and i'm really, really sad.
but as hard as it is being here and not being able to say goodbye,
i know that Jesus has me here for a reason.
and that through this, I'll grow closer to Him.

so as i write this with tears streaming down my face and as Jeremy Camp's song, There Will Be A Day randomly plays on Spotify, I'm comforted by the lyrics and God's promise

"There will be a day with no more tears,
No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day,
We'll hold on to you always"

so i'll keep holding onto Christ.
i'll give up my bed.
i won't say goodbye.
and i'll let my family bury my best pal without me.
it's not easy.
but He's the only thing in this world that i'll never lose.
and that's enough.

love you sades


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