Beautiful Chaos

sometimes you sit alone, in a hot room with bugs crawling on the walls and think to yourself what in sam heck am i doing here??? you might find yourself feeling alone and sweaty and just wanting to go to bed, but alas, it's only 7pm and you probably couldn't fall asleep yet anyways. so when i turned on spotify and one of my favorite songs came on singing the lyrics: "Hallelujah! All I have is Christ. Hallelujah! Jesus is my life."  i find myself thankful. i am thankful and pained that he knows what it feels like to be alone. oh so desperately alone, hanging on the cross, with his father's face turned away. oh how that burdens my heart, and yet gives me hope.  thankfully, i'm not desperately alone. there is the sweetest german family living here and my roommate hannah is here as well, but she's out skyping with her family. and here i am, processing my thoughts outloud for y'all to read. i'm not much of a journaler and n

oh how my heart aches. i don't know how to respond or how to help or how to support. i know you're hurting. i know. i've been there too. i've felt it deep in my bones and i know nothing seems to help.  but oh sweet girl Jesus can and does. i know you can't hear him. and i know you can't feel him. but he loves you relentlessly.  he so intricately and beautifully wove you.  i know you don't see it and i know me writing this doesn't help you believe it. but it's true. it's oh so true friend. a little over 20 years ago, he started weaving you. he wove your tiny little fingers, and painted each of your veins. he hand carved your bones and gave you such an intelligent little brain. he gave you dna and aligned your chromosomes just right. just for you my friend. he placed you in a loving home with parents who knew Christ. he gave you breath. he breathed his own into you. because he loves you. oh how he love