All I Have is Christ

sometimes you sit alone, in a hot room with bugs crawling on the walls and think to yourself

what in sam heck am i doing here???

you might find yourself feeling alone and sweaty and just wanting to go to bed, but alas, it's only 7pm and you probably couldn't fall asleep yet anyways.

so when i turned on spotify and one of my favorite songs came on singing the lyrics:

"Hallelujah! All I have is Christ. Hallelujah! Jesus is my life." 

i find myself thankful.

i am thankful and pained that he knows what it feels like to be alone. oh so desperately alone, hanging on the cross, with his father's face turned away. oh how that burdens my heart, and yet gives me hope. 

thankfully, i'm not desperately alone. there is the sweetest german family living here and my roommate hannah is here as well, but she's out skyping with her family. and here i am, processing my thoughts outloud for y'all to read. i'm not much of a journaler and not much of a writer either. but i can type out my thoughts sometimes and that's what i am doing now. 

i'm in los cedros, nicaragua for the next two weeks. on monday i start language school, but until then, i just hang out. hanging out is not my favorite thing to do. hanging out somewhat by yourself, is well, kind of lonely. and boring. i miss my family and my friends and my roommate and luke powell. but i am thankful for this. because i have a family to miss. and i have amazing friends that love me so well. and i have water to shower with and clean water to drink. i have rice and beans on my plate and i have a Savior who loves me unconditionally. and for these things i am oh so thankful.

i have to remind myself, this isn't about me.

for some unknown reason, the Lord has placed me here in los cedros for a few weeks and right now it is hard. right now it is uncomfortable and kind of lonely and very much hot. 

but Jesus died on the cross. for all of us. and for hot and lonely los cedros. he died for these kids and for these missionaries and for all of our messy sins. and for that i am oh so thankful. for that, i will bear the heat. i will sleep with the creepy crawly bugs, and i will feel lonely and take cold showers. but it's okay.

because i have Christ. and that's all you really need in life right?

besides the gecko crawling on the ceiling above me of course (;