inadequacy

do you ever think,

maybe i can't do this?

maybe i'm not cut out for this?

maybe, i'm inadequate.

the dictionary defines inadequate as "insufficient; unable to deal with a situation or with life"

woof.

that is how i feel a lot. because i want to do all of the things. i'm sure a lot of you can relate. i want to be involved in organizations at school, make straight a's, be the perfect girlfriend and friend (LOL), volunteer, be involved at the crossing and serve in various ministries. i want to work 12+ hours a week so that i can be somewhat independent and pay for gas and food and utilities and whatever else. i want to cook healthy meals and get 8 hours of sleep (LOL once again). i want to paint and read books and exercise (LOLOLOL). 

but i just can't do it.

and that bothers me.

it eats at me.

it pulls me away from Christ.

sitting down to write this, i really didn't have a plan. i just needed to sit down and get out the words prying at my heart. but while i've sat here and thought a little harder about why i'm feeling certain things, i've realized that i allow a lot of my worth to come from the things i'm involved in. and when i'm not doing what my fallen flesh sees as adequate, i start to doubt my worth.

i listened to a sermon by matt chandler where he talked about the two boxes of sin that most women fall into: comparison and perfectionism. and that couldn't be more true. i want to be the perfect student, the perfect worker, the perfect roommate, the perfect girlfriend, daughter, volunteer, and so on and so on. 

but this will never happen.

i can never be perfect.

and neither can you.

** - we can't save the world.

because Someone has already done that.

and we can't be our own heroes,

because we aren't supposed to be. - **
we can't be perfect. if we were, 
why would we have any reason to imitate Christ?

and we aren't supposed to save ourselves - 

if we were, why would Christ have died? 

why would God have sacrificed His one and only Son?
maybe by trying to save ourselves, we essentially say
"your death wasn't enough. I need more than what you offer."

truth: Jesus saves and rescues and delivers.
and we need Him to. 

Psalm 34:18

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

i like to look up words in the thesaurus. when i looked up rescue, the antonym that came up was: failure.

wassup conviction!!!

God rescues us.

from failure.

from inadequacy.

from imperfection.

& He is close to us. 

He sees our messiness and sees our screw ups and our big, disgusting sins that we keep on committing, over and over and over, and He reaches down and

rescues us.

so as i'm sitting here typing this and slowly starting to believe it, i am overwhelmed. i feel relieved. and thankful. and loved. 

because, thanks to Christ

i'm not called to do all of the things.

i'm not called to be perfect.

i'm called to be a follower of Christ.

to love Him with all that I have and to rely on Him daily.

i'm called to trust and to be patient and humble.

i'm called to repent and to confess His name.

i'm called to be a messy, repentive, broken, 

and beautiful daughter of the King.

because He accepts inadequacy.

and for that i am oh so thankful.

God is so good guys.

---

** quote from Luke Powell

***special thanks to Michelle for continually pointing me to Jesus, I love you lots. ***