an open letter to the Crossing

an open letter to the Crossing

& an update on how Christ has been working in my life

things to know about me:

my name is shelby.

i'm a senior at mizzou.

i'm currently living in nicaragua doing mission work.

i go to veritas and am involved in high school ministries & crossing kids.

you all supported my trip and i am so incredibly grateful.

and lastly,

God is doing big things through the Crossing,
and i am thankful.

going into this summer, i knew it was going to be hard. being 3,000 miles away from family and friends, moving to a country where i didn't know a soul, learning a new culture, i felt ready. i knew the Lord was going to break me and grow me and draw me closer to Him. i was excited for this. i knew i would be lonely, but that i would have Christ as my right hand man and everything would be A-OK. 

but.

what i didn't know, is that i would lose heart.

what i didn't think of, was that in my loneliness

i was in the perfect position for the enemy to attack.

i wasn't on guard. i took my armor off and i got hit hard.

i felt guilty. ashamed that i didn't fight back and tired from the weight of it all.

so i've been hiding. i retreated. i've been pretending to trust God. 

i've put on a happy face and told my friends and family i'm doing fine.

but i lied. and God knew that. He saw my bluff.

and this morning, while livestreaming Shay's sermon,

God called me out.

and i knew. i knew what i had done. 

i knew that i had turned away. i knew that i had lost hope.

i knew that i had been talking the talk but not walking the walk.

i knew that i had been lying to myself and to God.

i knew that i had tried to do this on my own. 

i knew that i had been selfish and that i hadn't truly given this summer to Him.

i knew that i haven't been trusting and that i've been hiding from my Maker.

but He knew too.

He's known since He wove me 21 years ago that this would happen.

He's known all along.

He's been patient and He's been loving and He's been there.

He's been protecting me and gently waiting for this day

when i would come and repent and hand over my life for the billionth time, 

to Him.

He knew this, and yet He didn't give up on me.

instead, He sent His own Son to died for me and for you and for all of this seriously messed up world. 

because God doesn't give up. He doesn't lose hope.

He doesn't lose sight of us when we try to hide. 

He knows when we're lying and hiding and faking it,

and He loves us still.

we know this, and yet we don't trust it.

because we are sinful, broken people. 

and what sucks is that we always will be.

we will always try to hide and try to fake it and pull one over on God.

and He knows this. because we live in a broken world.

He's grieved by each of our sins

but thankfully, our God also showers grace on us.

He allows us to come and to repent and start over for the billionth time.

He allows us to hand over our lives to Him so that He can direct us into a life lived out for Him. into a life of messups, but also forgiveness. a life of running and being called back into His loving arms. a life of sin and reconciliation.

because we belong to Him.

so, i'd like you, the crossing, to know how thankful i am.

being able to livestream services abroad is such a blessing.

being able to worship with my family in Christ each Sunday helps me not to feel alone. i am absolutely loving this summer Psalm series, for each week has truly spoken so deeply to me.

 last week, i was really struggling with feeling lonely and missing the Crossing. my heart desperately wanted to be surrounded by other brothers and sisters in Christ worshiping the Lord. Dave began his sermon on Psalm 63, and I happened to read the footnotes in my Bible. it reads:

"Hence, it is best to see the psalm as enabling each of God's people to develop confidence during their times of trouble. In particular, the psalm inculcates the confidence that the worshiper will indeed be able to return to the sanctuary to worship God."

my heart was so encouraged by this. 

 knowing that when i come back in August that i'll be welcomed with open arms  is truly a glimpse of Heaven. it's a glimpse of when we will enter into God's holy sanctuary, welcomed with open arms, to praise and worship our Maker without ceasing.

so thank you. 

thank you for being Christ's vessel.

thank you for pointing me to Christ

and for reminding me of His unfailing love.

thank you for providing music to worship Him with.

and thank you for encouraging me to not lose hope.

God is doing such big things through this church,

and i am so incredibly thankful to be a part of it.